♦ What’s the difference between death and taxes?
Congress doesn’t meet every year to make death worse.

♦ And the difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion?
Jail.

♦ A good tax return is like a good mystery novel. You follow the clues, make deductions, and arrive at a profitable conclusion. – Eva Rosenberg

♦ A tax accountant dies and goes to heaven (no, that’s not the joke). St. Peter, of course, is there, looking through the files and asking a few quick questions. “What sort of accountant were you?” “Oh, I was a CPA”, was the reply. “Name?” asks St. Pete. The accountant gives his name and St. Peter finds his file. “Oh yes, we’ve been expecting you. You’ve reached your allotted time span.” The accountant says, “I don’t get it. How can that be? I’m only 48 years old.” Pete looks again at the file and says, “Well, that’s impossible.” “Why do you say that?” asks the accountant. “Well,” says St. Peter, “we’ve been looking over your time sheets and the hours you’ve charged your clients. By our reckoning, you must be at least 93 years old!”

♦ A mugger stops a guy on the street at gunpoint. “Give me all your money,” he says. The muggee is indignant. “You can’t do this,” he yells. “I’m an IRS agent.” “In that case,” says the mugger, “give me all MY money.”

♦ Tax Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child, “No, son. It wouldn’t be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking.”